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We’ve all done it….tried to measure up to whatever icon we believe is the epitome of spectaculosity we will NEVER achieve. And then we beat ourselves up over it. We starve ourselves, endure painful workouts, only to binge on Ben & Jerry’s ironically titled “Chocolate Therapy” ice cream.

I have been mindful of not obsessing over Victoria Beckham (hate her) in front of my step-daughters. Not once have the girls seen me reduced to a puddle of mush at the most recent photo of Taylor Swift (hate her). I vow they will never see me weep at the thought of never having the body of Eva Longoria (hate her).

[Enter stage left – Choir of Angels]

Something happened over the weekend, bless my mom’s flea market loving heart !

As a “joke”, mom purchased a life-size cut out of that famous Marilyn Monroe pose for my dad. We started talking about the fact she is a sex symbol but yet managed to maintain some kind of non-threatening, almost obtainable appeal.

excuse me while I finish off this bucket o’gelato

***Yes, I realize her hair alone must have required its own team. But to that I remind you: Giselle Bundchen. Kate Moss. The entire entourage of Victoria’s Secret models (hate, hate, and hate).

Mom’s kitschy purchase inspired some research, which lead me to a different way of thinking. Perhaps I need a better filter which to [un]fairly judge myself. Throughout Marilyn’s career, her size and weight fluctuated (imagine a world not so obsessive…..). But I came across the average range of her costumes and dresses. Comparatively speaking (she was only an inch taller than I am) I’d be a hottie in 1953.

If you put her in today’s clothing, Ms. Monroe would be about an average size 12; thank you very much !

Height: 5 feet, 5½ inches
Weight: 120-140 pounds
Bust: 35-37 inches
Waist: 22-23 inches
Hips: 35-36 inches

So, this makes me feel better for the moment. But photos of Marilyn are not going to help me combat the image issues I already am noticing in Holly and her friends. At the ripe age of 9, 3rd grade.

We grew up in the era of the Super [skinny] Models. But today ?

Behind Door Number One is this crazy mess:

…because you are NOT Katy Perry, and you do NOT need hooker boots….Never mind what a hooker is !

And Door Number Two has girls believing this is acceptable:

“Gawd, its JUST jeans and a tee shirt ! Why cant I wear it like this !!!!” Thanks, Nikki Manaj.

Depending on a tweens mood and hormone level, it’s next to impossible to be prepared for whatever fashion crisis may bestow a home on any given day. Yes, 9 year olds wear bras now…..because its cool. They even sell padded “training bras” so they can look like Ms Manaj a full decade before they need to. Who are the twisted sisters that came up with that idea ??? I’m sure it must be the same children’s clothing manufacturer that decided 3 inch heels were appropriate in size 10 – GIRLS. The shoe is not even as long as my hand.

What happened to “playing dress up” ?

  Part of me would love to buy the painted-on skin tight jeans and then watch as Holly spends the rest of her day inventing excuses for not being able to sit down….

‘I have so much energy!’

 ‘Really, I sat just alittle while ago….’

 ‘I think standing helps digestion and by the way, I’m not hungry.’

….but that would be evil.

For now, we are deferring [again] to my mother’s answer: “You can buy whatever you want when you are on your own….” and hoping in the mean time Quaker makes a comeback.

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