, , , ,

Hard to believe, but I am not the chic hipster you may think… but I know a cool trend when I see one! “The Artist Formerly Known as Prince” will be given full credit as the originator, but honestly, I’m just not invested enough to do further research. (This is solely motivated by my need to not look like an idiot in front of the  kids.) I’m sure I’m not the only one who has considered a name change at some point. Who would guess that such common task as re-naming oneself would morph into an inspirational idea that would sweep the globe, not only of modern day but of all space and time:

“The country formerly known as Burma” – the phrase used by a PBS correspondent when referring to the Union of Myanmar. Who decided it was no longer Burma? Was there a vote or is there some kind of office in Burma making such decisions.

Did the people wake up one morning to a headline in the Burmese Myanmar Gazette?

Why go through changing a name if everyone is going to still use the old name?!?!?

 Then I began noticing this more and more…

Everything was fine until I discovered I never existed !

“Apatosaurus, formerly known as a Brontosaurus” – quoted in an article describing an animatronics dinosaur exhibit. This irks me, frankly. Was this reeeeally necessary? Some scientist decided based on some minute detail the “bronto” was no longer accurate and we’d all sleep better at night once “apoto” was in its place?

“Google, formerly known as Backrub” – Go ahead, Google it ! (I am SO witty!)

“Falcated Duck, formerly known as Falcated Teal” – Our feathered friends want in on the action. Oh, bet’cha didn’t know the Arizona Woodpecker is now the Strickland’s Woodpecker.

Plants are not going to sit idly by with their roots stuck in the mud, letting life-forms with brains have all the fun. “Radical changes in the Aster family” have been reported ! No sarcasm here, I actually do care. I like daisies. Am I still going to be able to buy daisies ?

“Cookies, formerly known as fingers” – Schools are infamous for re-naming, all in the interest of better education of course. Students are not allowed to count on their fingers. However, counting dots called “cookies” is not only acceptable it’s encouraged. WISH I were lying.

“Memorial Park, formerly known as Lion’s Pool” – I don’t get this one, it’s a local thing. All I know is every time I mention the park up on the hill, someone says, “oh yeh, the ole Lion’s Pool”. Um, OK.

Pluto, formerly known as a “planet” – same idea and twice as irritating!

A few “In the Process of”:

Mt. McKinley is called Mt. Denali, depending who you ask. For years I thought these were two separate geographic entities until I had a conversation with someone from Alaska. (Who, yes, could also see Russia….)

John Cougar Mellancamp. I’ve lost track, what does he officially go by these days?

Sean Combs, formerly known as Puff Daddy, also known as P Diddy, King Combs and Puffy, was known in Tweetland as “Swag” for a week. (I am merely reporting information, not mocking. The man knows how to design a suit !)

If I may make a suggestion or two:

The new molecularly-altered Perfect Food, formerly known as donuts.

Unlimited time off, formerly known as the work week.

Ancient secret anti-aging serum, formerly known as chocolate.

Zombie Mind Suckers, formerly known as the GOP.

I want in ! (Any of these will do)

 ……Formerly Known as MJ:

Your Fabulousness……

Ms. Sassitude…..

Queen Bee……

Her Royal Domestic Highness….

Now, everybody dance !