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Formerly titled “I Shop at Satan’s No More”. (Thanks Cassie!)

The Letterman Show’s Top 10 List has been a favorite of mine since before I can remember. Knowing I had a boss with a sense of humor, I even incorporated a Top 10 List to land a promotion. So, it seems a fitting way to express my issues with Wally World.

As I’ve stated in previous blogs, I really try to give this behemoth as little of our money as possible. I worked in Economic Development for years, and know the benefit of paying an extra dollar here and there at a local store. However, every so often we find ourselves in the position of not being able to find something quickly, or the same prescription would cost $80 more at a small pharmacy. After this last visit, the cheap, soul-sucking mecca has taken our last dollar – my blood pressure can’t take it !

MJ’s Top 10 “Why Shopping at Walmart Will Happen No More”:

10) Greeters. I know I sound un-sympathetic. I cannot imagine it’s the ideal way to earn a paycheck; and I’m sure I would be tempted to stand at the entrance glaring off into space as well. But if you’re the “Greeter”, say “Hello”, or at least pretend and nod in a customers general direction.

9) Parking Obstacle Course Navigating through their parking lot gives new meaning to the concept of “defensive driving” as a driver’s license is not required once you’ve crossed the border into WalmartLand. I’m not sure where the sign is posted, but some of the rules include “No need to look while backing out of your spot” and “Go ahead, take up two or three spots at a time.”

8) The Carts. They have been constructed with a wheel that only turns one way. Which direction is based on the location of the entrance in comparison to the rest of the store. By doing this, shoppers are forced to wander though the isles as if in a maze until they find the correct combinations of turns to bring them back to the check out lanes. The Wizard behind the curtain is hoping weary customers will go into survival mode and begin filling their carts with random items such as batteries, granola bars, and whatever items are contained within those bins.

"OK....OK.... Just let us out of here!"

7) Organization. Years ago we were buying afew school supplies. The aisles were hopelessly congested. Just as we were going to try to back out, I heard a familiar voice calling my name. It was a parent at the other end of the aisle:  “Can you throw a box of crayons down please!”. Yeah, it was that bad.

 6) Customer Dress Code. My explanation needs few words when a picture says it all. I refer to the lovely website that has provided all photos for this post: peopleofwalmart.com.


5) Employee Dress Code. It is common knowledge Walmart hires at the lowest possible hourly wage; and I do not expect employees to be dressed the same way as the fabulous gal at the Macy’s cosmetic counter who gushes at me as I purchase my favorite Dolce & Gabana cologne for Clark. Nor do I expect Walmart employees to be as excited about their job. HOWEVER. If the checkout girl has the funds to have her lip pierced for the third time, weave in fake hair and buy thigh-high hooker boots, she has money to purchase pants that do not require an airbrush application! Such trousers are sold at….Walmart.

 4)Bagging. I have a collection of reusable bags by the door, in the car, in Clark’s car. For my last Walmart visit, I decided it was not worth walking back to the car to get a bag (of course, I forgot it) because I only needed a couple items and planned to run through the store at breakneck speed. Until I found myself actually IN the store and remembered everyone there moves as if under a gravitational pull which does not allow them to travel more than two feet/minute. Oh, back to bagging. Somehow, my four items warranted the checkout girl to give me five plastic bags. REALLY. My Lemon Zest Luna bars needed to be double bagged. REALLY.

3) The “Ewww” Factor. Have you been at a store when one of center aisle bins needs to be moved? Not pretty. The last time the girls were along and asked to pick out a nail polish, it appeared that many bottles had been opened. When something grosses you out, how long is the involuntary “Ewwwwww”…

2) Stocking Practices. During one visit, I noticed a flat of dairy products sitting in an aisle, and am no longer tempted to “pick up a gallon of milk”. As I walked through, I heard one employee say to another “this stuffs not cold anymore, will the cooler be cold enough?”. Again, Ew.  I have no idea how long the food had been sitting, waiting to be stocked and I’m not sure I want to know…..but thought you might want to know.

1) The Crap. Decades ago I learned to not even bother browsing 90% of the merchandise. Should they produce a cute dress or shoes for the girls; the fact that the item will be unraveling in a matter of weeks deems it not worth considering. Did I learn my lesson? Apparently not. While waiting for a prescription I saw a fountain/water bowl for pets that I had just seen on Amazon. The price was almost the same, but I thought “Oh, what the heck, it’ll save on shipping.” The shipping to Amazon would’ve been a bargain! Once home, I realized a piece of the water dish was missing.

So not only did it waste the gas to drive back, but my time as well. And THAT is not an acceptable expense due to collective incompetence such as Walmart.