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Although only here afew hours, the new Inmate appears to be adjusting without incident. This is her story (Insert iconic Law & Order sound effect here):

This week, “Ms. Thaaang” had moved into our home. School days were tolerable, as she was not in our presence most of the time (or doing homework or sleeping). But a full day proved to be too much.

8:20 am: We woke to the not so subtle sighs and off-key singing of Holly (age 9) as she sat outside our bedroom; passive-aggressively trying to rouse my attention because I made the mistake last night of promising pancakes once I got up. Clark getting out of bed to shut the door did not thwart her efforts.

9:10am: As we readied for indoor soccer, I looked in Nola’s backpack for her waterbottle and instead discovered papers stuffed in a side compartment that her older sister Holly was supposed to have returned to school this past Wednesday. No – papers Holly claimed she did in fact return. Nola looked genuinely confused. Holly’s response ? “Huh…guess I didn’t” . She deliberately put them in her sister’s bag – one backpack is blue, one is a pink Hello Kitty.

11:24 am: Announces to her younger sister “I have better things to do” and abruptly ends whatever Barbie-party was taking place…which lead me to discover Holly had used bright markers as “make up” on all the Barbie’s, and when she realized it would not wash off, tried to make her escape.

11:30 am: When asked to help straighten up, a comment informing me she was “TheBomb-Dot-Com” was hurled at me. (The ensuing state of shock prevents me from recollecting the exact remark).

3:34 pm: Things had quieted. I decided to take girls to look at rain gear on sale before it was out of stock. First, Nola was asked to hold Holly’s jacket while she tried something on, which she did without comment. But when Holly was asked to return the favor and hold Nola’s jacket, the jacket was tossed over her sister’s head as she announced “I am not a coat rack” and walks away with the attitude of your average MTV video high school dropout backup dancer.

This is where I must have blacked out, or may have been possessed, only to regain cognition as I snuggled in to face my new life in solitary confinement……Oh lovely, the walls are very soft. And wow, room service. A nice cup of tomato soup appeared through the little compartment in the door. I like soup.

I have been told I’m being allowed internet access because the jury of my peers sympathized and thought blogging about my experience qualifies as Community Service.


Ok, that would be too easy. Let a girl dream.

Alas. In truth I am back home, with Ms. Jr. Sassitude locked in her room, and I in mine.