, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Save The Whales Twinkies

My apologies. Feeling most of my readers would be more likely to read about the plight of whales than the woes of the Ding Dong; “Misrepresentation and outright lying to my readers” may be among the offenses included in my next “Usual Lump of Coal “. Stay tuned, I’ve already started the 2012 edition. 

I find myself in the position of having to eat my words, quite literally. The most horrible, unimaginable of events has occurred…..beyond the bank bail-out, more devastating than the predicament of the automakers of America…..

Hostess, bankrupt !

While a friend and I were discussing the fate of a world without such “baked goods” and the possibility of facing Little Debbie world domination, Holly asked “What’s a Twinkie?”

Gasp ! What have I done ?

All my jabbering about eating healthy (and trying to follow through) has caused collateral, bilateral and all sorts of multilateral damage. I have been with the girls about five years. Lets say the average household consumes one box of chemically preserved, fatty, sugary-ness per week…. That totals 260 Boxes, totalling 2600 Twinkies I have NOT purchased.

I now have 70 groupies; add in me, that’s 71. Ok, so if we all buy a mere 36.61 twinkies, perhaps we can at least tip the scales; get the universe back to its orbit.

What can one do with 36.61 twinkies ? Glad you asked! I have put together afew handy-dandy suggestions for anyone willing to help:

We all know they can be deep fried and/or covered in chocolate. On a stick.

Then there’s the opposite – frozen and/or dipped in chocolate. Also on a stick.

Donate them to Blue Man Group; they are used as props.

Halloween is barely 10 months away. Consider yourself ready for those first Trick or Treaters.

Have a special occasion in your future? Who would have guessed they made such a lovely centerpiece.

I'm sure this is a "piece of cake" to throw together

Studies show having a pet is a positive experience for kids. You can’t go wrong with this little guy! No vet bills, no house training, no fur to groom or food to buy. What’s more, a Twinkie has a half-life of about 250 years thanks to the preservatives, meaning your child will not have to face saying good-bye to their friend. Ever.
Consider a Twinkie’s possible contribution to architecture. Or they may prove useful in your next über secret cult ceremony…..

...perpetuating the mysteries of the world.....

 Now that NASA and our space program will no longer be what it once was; the light and airy little cakes may be the perfect material for a pathway to the stars!

Sorry, I cant resist..."Follow the Yellow Brick Road"


In the interest of full disclosure, I may have had peripheral guilt in the financial straits TastyKake found themselves facing in early 2011. It was not of my choosing to be geographically separated from their market for many years. As fate would have it, we re-located to Philadelphia briefly, I did my best to make up for lost time, and coincidentally, the company was pulled from bankruptcy abyss.


These are not for amateurs

Photo credits:

Cake – fabulousfoods.com

Pet – partyanimal.org

Stonehenge – hubpages.com

Yellow Brick Road – bluegrassspecial.com

Tastykakes – examiner.com