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Question: Why do kids think parents are of inferior intelligence?

I’ll try to keep my examples as brief and painless as possible; this is not about rubbing salt in the wound but merely bringing us all up to speed. The balance of power as we know it is in jeopardy.

***Most electronic gadgets in my household would not run properly, or would be on Taiwan-time if not for Teenboy. Even though Clark’s career has something to do with programming (ok, I still don’t really understand what he does) I hate admitting to him I cannot run my ipad-thingy without help, set the coffee pot timer, or work the remote if someone presses a wrong button. Teenboy could easily program the house to stage a mutiny if so inclined.

***Children are able to gauge fear and/or ignorance with a simple measurement: the number of seconds between their unreasonable request and our blurting out “because I said so, THAT’S why.” Next time faced with a demand from any urchin capable of counting to ten, keep in mind no child really expects a purple unicorn for their birthday.

***Leave a loophole, a child will find it and the best possible way gleam every advantage from it. After instructing a group of boys they are under no circumstances allowed to use the lawn mower handles for their go-cart; you discover the next day, afore-mentioned mower no longer has an engine

***We are just as emotional as any child if caught at the right moment, and this fact is used to distract us from realizing their master plan. I have been scammed into searching for a favorite doll’s missing [insert item]; “Please, MJ! Sally needs her scarf, it’s cold outside!”. Or dropping everything to quiz Teenboy for a test, only to realize afterward that he knew the material word for word, as usual. While we are “helping”, what are the others up to?

***All those ridiculously impossible questions kids love to ask? I believe they already know the answers and are merely again testing us, measuring our I.Q based on the number of times we change subjects. Nola asked once how long it would take to walk to the sun. I attempted to explain how far away other plants and stars are… that the sun is a big ball of fire…James T. Kirk was the superior Enterprise Captain…you really can cook an egg on the sidewalk…and I heard toilets flush in the opposite direction Australia ……At which point Teenboy put his arm around the girls and as they walked away I swear I heard them discussing galactic scale such as light years and the theory of relativity.

And my irrefutable proof? Young girls across our great land have finally solved the age-old laundry dilemma that has plagued anyone who has ever owned or operated a washing machine: lost or missing socks. It has been deemed fashionable to wear them mis-matched ! We’ve been wasting countless hours sorting, matching and searching out matching pairs for generations. Our girls will not carry this burden. “I have no time to finish my cure for the common cold, we have no matching socks!”

You can even BUY them pre -mismatched (Juicy Couture)

We never saw it coming. Is this what happened to the dinosaurs?